Snack?
Everyone feels a little queasy from time to time, especially after a good night out. News flash!!! Eating fatty food will make your hangover only worse! Apparently (check link to see proper hangover snacks) this nugget of wisdom is a real urban myth buster.
Why, then, do people still go on about slowing alcohol absortion by eating fatty snacks? Because fatty snacks do help, but only before drinking.
Finding out about this completely scuppered the original aim of this article. What a complete nightmare! Add the time that went into the cooking + the eating and the feeling sick afterwards + writing all of this down, and you would've grown a beard.
Only to find out it was all done for nothing! Not to mention the major effort of buying all those cheeses at all those different places so not having to get spotted with a trolly full of cheese in a shop like some sort of cheese maniac.
Anyhow, here's the top 10 fairly easy to make pre-hangover cheese snacks, ranked from easy to hardcore (on your stomach). Before you ask, kebab is not a cheese based product, in case you wondered why it's not on the list. If you disagree, go make your own list.
1. Nachos
Could make this in my sleep, though that always rakes up moans of other kitchen users having left it as a pigsty. But you're hungry and do it anyway, so just open a bag of nachos and shove them on a big plate. Don't worry if a handful of nachos fall on the floor, because if there's anything more appreciated than nacho pieces piercing gum, it's nacho pieces piercing the soles of feet.
Then sprinkle the nacho mountain peak with tons of cheddar (or Cotija if you're a pro) and put it into the microwave (or oven if you've the time and are not in a slumber).
When it comes out, put salsa sauce on it and either eat it or decorate it with guacamole, chopped up tomatos, jalapeños, cream, lime wedges, beans.. really the world is your oyster.
2. Pitta Cheddar Pizzas
Sometimes you get inspired by heart warming moments, like that video of a daughter saving her dad's life. Other times your just get inspiration by looking at a pizza. When not having pizza dough (who would spend the money?) this is the closest that will come to it.
Spread a wee bit of tomato puree on a pitta bread (add tomato ketchup to the puree to soften the taste), spread it out neatly (don't bother cutting the pita open). Then soak it with cheddar. Don't worry, other cheeses will make this list too - in case you wondered.
You can add stuff like chicken breast slices or cut up falafal, but the real winner is simple pesto. Use a squeeze bottle if you want to save time. Place it in the microwave for under a minute or airfryer for 4 (if you have one) and Bob's yer uncle.
3. Caprese Salad
Once you've made this simple dish, you'll wonder why it doesn't sit at the top of the chart. Well, you can make your own list, or get a life. Anyhow, this dish looks simple yet also colourful and fancy. It's a great dish to impress others, for instance a date, or making people think you possess a talent
If they're not impressed, just say that you went all the way to Italy to learn about the dish and that the cheese you're using is from a buffalo you milked yourself. If they're still not impressed say you risked your life by harvesting the cheese not from a cow bufallo but a bull buffalo. If even that doesn't work, that's on you - or your date is too posh.
Anyhow, just slice up a tomato, slice up a buffalo mozzarella, have a handful of basil leafs and arrange them in an alternating pattern.Top it up with a sprinkle of pepper and salt and a dash of balsamic glaze and olive oil and that's it.
Pretend to be a Michelin chef and place them in a circle or other shapes, but it'll become more time consuming so why bother? One thing, however, you definitely should do to gain appreciation or street cred when surrounded by drunk kebab eaters, is to shun the kebab when offered one and instead lecture your mates on kebab related climate change which could be reduced if only, like you, they chose to eat a this planet saving salad. Trust me, you'll thank me later.
4. Cheese & chutney sandwich
This one is a pretty unassuming choice that does the job, which I don't just say because I can't be bothered to write more than three sentences about it. Pick a bread of choice, spread it with a light dose of butter, cover it with slices of gouda and top it with a chutney of choice. Just make sure it's Gauda so you can be happy about yourself having obeyed this recipe.
5. Chop Chop Egg
Could be eaten with or without the addition of cheese, so strictly a bit of an outsider on the list - but then outsiders are cool. Had it dangled down at the 10th spot, it'd even been an underdog. And underdogs are reckless and rebels (just like outsiders). Also, dead easy to make and a great snack... so still top 10 worthy. Moreover, this is also a great snack to eat, apparently both before and after drinking - so pay attention.
Boil one or two eggs, or 8 if feeding a barn full of pets. Peel them (but don't burn your hands) and place them in a cup. Add a chunk of butter, some pepper and salt. Go fancy and add a tiny bit of lemon juice, but it's not neccesary and would probably taste terrible too. Then, trick of tricks, get a sharp knife and start chopping up the egg.
Once chopped up a couple of times you can pretty much start stirring the knife in the cup and it'll do the chopping by itself. Scoop it out of the cup and place it on buttered toast (or even better: buttered toasted bagel). Sprinkle a bit of graded mozzerrella to do this list service. And....Voila. Bon appetite.
6. Mint Wrap
Did you know that mozzarella comes from the Italian word mozzarella which directly translates as mozzarella? The cheese is a really nice topping on this spot-6-Mint-Wrap, which is probably the best wrap you'll eat.
Lightly spread butter or mayonnaise on toast.. haha just joking... on a wrap, of course, hahaha hihihi. Pay attention! Then add some salad, chicken slices or a vaggie version, mozzarella cheese, and then a good dash of mint yoghurt sauce.
Normally I couldn't care less which brand of sauce you use, but on this occasion there's an exception. Use this one (from any shop) or your wrap fails.
7. Pastrami Sandwich
Another sandwich. A great one and easy to make, but containing a bit fancy ingredients so not high on the list. Anyhow, you probably know the drill given how simple the sandwich looks: butter your sandwich and add slices of emmental cheese, pastrami, and a gherkin - or do it in whatever order you want, if you're hangover no-one cares.
8. Salmon and Cream Cheese
A very old recipe, this one. Also better known as lox and schmear. Bagel, heaps of cream cheese, smoked salmon and a pickle. Easy peasy. Just make sure you really squeeze both bagel ends and everything in between super hard together if you can't be bothered eating what you just prepared or can't afford a gym membership.
9. Fried halloumi/fetta salad with croutons
The best pre-hangover cheese based salads contain not just one but two cheeses, soooooo fancy. To fancy really. You probably think fetta is Spanish for party or a reference to a character from star wars, so why bother with the dish? Because you do whatever this list tells you to. That's why.
You probably also want to revive hipster-dom at the soonest local park meet up with friends at which you insist on rocking up with a cooking set to show off your salad-making skills or you just lack hobbies. Whatever it is, get yourself some salad leafs.
Then cut up in wee blocks: 1) half a package of halloumi; 2) a quarter of what's in a package of fetta; 4) and, one slice of bread. Fry the bread pieces followed by frying the halloumi pieces. Then toss the salad leaves in a bowl.
Now, make a quick salad sauce by mixing olive oil, a dash of mustard, and honey in a cup. Pour that over your salad, chuck in those fried bread and halloumi pieces, followed by the fetta. Now, hussle everything with those pretentious salad forks (the bigger, the better) and eat.
10. Cheese and Beans on Toast
Want to hear one of these cheese jokes? Ok, what says a chunk of Leerdam to a couple of slices of Gauda? Nothing, because cheeses don't talk. Grow up.
Speaking of popping your bubble, this is a classic that you probably want to sit higher up the list, but then it's also something everyone has probably eaten a million of times, so it's not really special and will just dangle at the bottom of this list. To depress you even further; you already know how to make this one, so I'm not going to bother with writing up a recipe. Speaking of a double whammy.
Reviewed by Jeroen